It’s a sad fact that many adults are embarrassed by sex as an activity. No matter how much they might enjoy it, sex is something they do in the dark and such things are private. Even long-term partners get into a physical routine and never talk about variations or additions. Somehow, it’s as if there’s a line between a healthy interest and prurience once you start talking about it. Feelings of uneasiness rise as people approach the boundaries of what they think of as obscene. This taints perfectly natural feelings as lewdness and creates general problems. Whether everything is working well or problems have surfaced, everything stays in the bedroom. The last people adults want to discuss sex with are children. There’s something wonderful about innocence and curiosity. There are too many questions asked that might result in adults giving unacceptably frank explanations.
The extent of sex education in the family, the school and elsewhere is colored by the prevailing culture. It depends on mentality, the economic and class status of the families and a host of other intangible factors. Against this background, sexually transmitted diseases such as AIDs are mentioned in the media, but talking heads never advocate the use of condoms as an almost perfect way of eliminating the problems. It’s left to the families and educators to teach safe sex. Unfortunately, the so-called abstinence campaigns are full of misinformation and have been proved ineffective as the rates of STDs and early pregnancies continue to rise among the young.
So long as adults are unable to talk frankly with the young, children will grow up with complicated feelings of curiosity, guilt and shame surrounding sex. What should be a gentle introduction to gender and sex starting around the age of four as children become aware of themselves, is left as the elephant in the room. Instead of respecting children’s privacy while encouraging an honest exchange of information, adult insecurities are communicated and become psychosexual problems as many children mature. Because parents cover up their children’s nakedness, they grow into adults who are ashamed to be seen naked by their partners. Parents who express shock when their boys have an erection, create the risk that the same shame will attach to erections as adults.
Parents can be good teachers. Working co-operatively with schools, children can gently be introduced to sex and grow up with fewer “issues”. There are enough physical problems that can interfere with responding to stimulation with an erection without adding angst. This is particularly important because although viagra can be an effective treatment for erectile dysfunction with a physical cause, it’s less effective when the causes are psychological. Viagra only dilates the arteries leading into the penis, it cannot change the cultural programming coming from parents, teachers and other authority figures. If boys are made to feel ashamed when they have an erection, this is going to come back to blight performance later on when it matters most.
